Wednesday, March 31, 2004
so, uh... some interesting things happened last night, more specifically from 7:00pm to 10:00pm. let's just say that i was "flooding" with joy when i found out that joseph's house was soaking from the bottom up. ::sigh:: but i must say, it was an experience to remember and definitely a story to laugh about in future years. good times, good times.
and no huge updates until later today.
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one of the best feelings in the world is falling to slumber at night, only to wake up in the morning feeling content with the world, for someone or something is worth every moment of one's living day.
much due thanks to felsh for letting me stay over at her house last night. dinner was awesome, and our 30-minute "let's-go-get-icecream-down-the-street" was more of a voyage, if you know what i mean. ;) thanks for another great memory.
okay... if you are trying to find out what i am doing for the last couple of days that i am down here, before you do anything, check here first. it's a rough itinerary, but it's better than nothing.
poetry site will be updated shortly after this. and so will my quotes site. this is for you, felsh.
and today is yet another gorgeous day.
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:-D yay!! my site meter reached 1,000 in exactly one month, thanks to those who stopped by. you guys rock!
home sweet home. i love anaheim.
if you want to meet up, just e-mail or comment here. awesome.
special shout-out to:
*kody- at least you met someone who did like your hair-do before you cut it (if you do, anyway...). :)
*felsh- hello. 'nuff said.
*brutha [one]: soon enough, i promise.
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evanescence has a new single: everybody's fool! lyrics appear below. (just doing my part to help my fellow evanescence fans!) just a bit longer for a real update. sorry, guys. and almost spring break! pure bliss :)
everybody's fool
Perfect by nature
Icons of self-indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that
Never was and never will be
Have you no shame, don't you see me
You know you've got everybody fooled
Look, here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh, how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know she
Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
Without the mask where will you hide
Can't find yourself lost in your lie
I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore
It never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled
It never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
Somehow now you're everybody's fool
(c) evanescence
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okay, guys... sad times: my computer has gone downhill. you won't see a huge update from me for a while... or so i predict. once i (or someone else) fix(es) my computer, i will update, big.
but before i say anything else: i am so glad that i am going to be able to see and meet up with all my friends in anaheim!! i can't wait :-D see you all there!
and to those with finals: good luck! i have some studying to be doing :)
p.s. - help my site meter reach 1000!! thanks guys.
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the BIGGEST, BOLDEST happy birthday to my bestest friend, ever, jay w_____ carvin!
i hope you know everything without me saying anything at all. but in case you need a reminder, it's this: i am the luckiest person in the whole world to have met you and become your best friend. every living moment, i thank this life because you are in it. there is no way i could have gotten here this far without all the smiles and joys, laughter and jokes, care and friendship you've given unto me. i appreciate your unconditional support, and i can only hope to give back half of what you've given me. (would sexual favors work for you ;) hehe. you know you love it.)
once again, i am undeniably lucky to have you as my bestest friend. have the BEST day ever, and i hope all your wishes come true! and of course, i love you!
your bestest friend,
mai sharona
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Wednesday, March 03, 2004
i just think it's so depressing that those, "i'll miss you"s were merely statements thrown out at some given time in their given circumstances. last september seems so close to me, but so far away to you.
i still go to all the sites (listed to your right, in alphabetical order) i've put on my site. from aaron's site all the way down to chris's, i check each one to see how they're doing, what has been on their minds, just to keep in touch. indirectly, it seems, but i'm still aware of what you guys are up to. and if i've ever left comments on your site, you've probably noticed the repetitious, "i miss you"s before i sign my name. why? because i mean it. i mean it every time i say it, every time i type it, every time you hear it, every time you read it. my feelings the last day i saw all of you has not yet changed. and fortunately, i know it won't because the consequences that will follow after i forget any of you will be far more detrimental to my being than my mourning to be with you guys. so here it is as it stands now and forevermore: i miss you.
but you know, people do change and i can't fathom what things will be like in several years. i've come to find that most people's "i miss you"s are simply words and words only. it is a phrase which describes the feeling of farewell, the reluctance to let go, and the reluctance to depart. but again, it remains a phase in one's life, and once the person leaves, the phase ends and no longer are the departed missed. same with the other end. at first, the lone traveler finds it hard to let go of his or her past, because that is where everything is-- friendships, familiarities, memories. but sooner or later, he or she will adapt to his or her new environment and no longer do his or her past matter. i, however, have traveled all my life. my father's job called for our family to move back and forth between two countries-- the us and japan-- and these notices come at any given time. so when i had finally adapted to an area, it was time for me to adapt to another one. i didn't have a choice. and though i was still young and was not as knowledgeable of this matter as i am now, i still understood how life goes on. and so it did. as time went by, i stopped writing letters to my friends in kentucky because i had made new friends in japan. when i moved to california, i initially despised the area. but i inevitably adapted, and i stopped keeping in touch with my friends in japan. and it was this cycle over and over again. it was about my sophomore year in high school i realized that i've not been building upon my past, but rather sweeping it clean and creating a new pile that will end up being cleaned up anyway. this is not to say that i do not remember anything about my past. oh, no-- i remember the wonderful memories and the tragic occurences. i remember the memories. but it is as if i see them in black and white. i've sketched every detail there possibly could be, but there still lacks life, the color to my sketch. from then on, i've tried harder to keep in touch with all my friends who have in any way touched my life. that includes the japanese guy from osaka i met in an airport shuttle bus (i e-mailed you a while back), my high school english teacher whom i had for three consecutive years, my japanese friends in japan, my high school band director (whom i deeply appreciate and respect), anyone i've met through chs and the golden warrior regiment, and of course, my best and closest friends. and now i see a tint of color on my sketch of a life. and that's good enough for a start.
but when i hear things like, "i don't care," or "okay," or "so?", it's as if i never existed, ever in your life. don't get me wrong; i respect an individual's right to indifference, but to know that someone's importance lessens simply because they are no longer present, hurts the shit out of me. and it spirals me into insanity because it personally affects me. i may not be there in person, but i am aware of things going on and words that are being said. this doesn't even have to stop with me. as a matter of fact, it seems to be the biggest fucking problem down in anaheim. and that makes me want to almost want to quit and say, "fuck them. i'm here now." but i won't. i refuse to do so because you guys are a part of my life now, and i'm not going to throw you out. so respectfully, i'm praying you do the same for me.
as of right now, i feel betrayed. used. just because one aspect of your life is perfect, does not mean you should go and screw up every other aspect. because when that perfect world comes falling down, you won't have anything to land on. save for me. because i will always be here, even through betrayal. and if this post doesn't hit you like bricks, you truly have forgotten me.
but always remember: i will never forget you.
i hate this feeling.
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